Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
