C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
two words...techno handjob
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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