Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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