I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
