I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
