90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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