we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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