oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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