i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I need moral support for this bender
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
