apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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