Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
