okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
