Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
