your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
