obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
