Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
