i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
