The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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