Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
