My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
