I heard we made out
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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