I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
