in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
