Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
