You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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