I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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