Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I've blown a few things in my day
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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