Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just invented taco cereal.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
