just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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