ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
