now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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