last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
