I didn't shave. On purpose
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She needs sedatives and a leash
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
