Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
