is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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