I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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