Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
