Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
