dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
