I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
