i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i think my mom watched the whole time
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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