please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
