The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
