Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
No subtext here. People are naked.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The dick lei will go down in squad history
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
