Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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