I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
