Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
