Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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