Don't make out with my wife yet
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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