In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
