My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
