This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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