Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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